Reality Check

Ain’t it fun livin in the real world..

Well actually, no.  It’s all much better in my head where Walt Disney writes most of the scripts and there are rainbows and butterflies.  But what came before the colorful rainbows and fluttering butterflies?

and

The idea of something might sound really great, but the reality is that it takes a lot of hard work and some ugly prickly scenarios and lightning might even strike to get there.  The idea of watching your kids and grandkids play in the backyard while you pour lemonade and your husband of 27 years barbecues on the grill, but the reality is that you had to birth and raise those kids to get grandkids (A LOT of blood, sweat and tears, literally), and you had to squeeze 18 lemons to get that lemonade (because fresh squeezed lemonade tastes so much better than the alternative), and you had to eat overdone meat for many dinners to get that whole barbecue thing down.  The reality is that I like the idea of a six pack and leaner legs but I’m not ready to give up chocolate and run regularly to get them.

The key is knowing yourself.  Once you know yourself…your limits, your abilities, your weaknesses, your strengths…then you can set goals and priorities.  Being self aware is probably one of the hardest things to accomplish and also one of the most important.  I know that I will text and drive unless I give my phone to my son in the backseat.  I know that I will not get up in the morning to workout.  I know that I crave something sweet after every meal.  So I plan my workouts for the afternoons and bring fruit to try not to eat the delicious DoubleTree cookies that are delivered to our office daily (or at least that’s what it seems like…where do all those cookie tins come from?!?!?!).

You can apply this theory to so many things.  The idea of having bouncy curls every morning is great but the reality of getting up early so I can spend 30 minutes on just my hair…not so great.  The idea of having tasty roasted vegetables for dinner sounds great but getting home at 8:30 after a killer workout after a full day at work only to have to wait 30 more minutes for these seasoned and perfectly charred veggies…also not so great.  Living in Europe for a year sounds like a great idea, but the reality of applying for a VISA and budgeting for no income for a year and everything else that goes into that plus being away from the people you love the most bites.

The idea of something and the reality of it are usually two different things so I have to check myself and have people around me to keep me grounded but at the same time not squash my dreams.  It’s not easy.  If you can do all that by yourself, without the help of others, you are way ahead of the game so take a bow.  I’m getting there but it’s taken years of reflection, tears, slaps in the face, ugly wake up calls, and journaling to get there.

PS I had the yummy veggies last night and my hair is in bouncy curls this morning and it was all worth it.  I think I’ll make them again tonight.

May I Have Your Attention Please

(Theme song.)

Warning:  It’s about to get real.  Like real vulnerable.  So if you like the shiny picture of me that you currently have, skip this post because I’m about to give you a peek into my dark side.

I have mentioned that contrary to popular belief, I have faults.  Only a few though so don’t get crazy and start pointing them out.   Yesterday I was smacked in the face with one of them.

Have you ever felt super cute and thought, “I wish someone would see me that mattered so my cuteness wouldn’t be wasted”?  Hair was falling just right, tan was rockin from my recent vacation, new outfit fit perfectly, accessories were just right and the colors were all working together to bring out my new tan…I was feeling great!  Of course the person that I wanted to see me was my boyfriend but he lives about two hours away so I was going down the line of other men in my life that are close that would recognize the mojo I was working.  Then I thought, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why must I seek the approval from others, namely men?”  I guess we all do it to some extent or there wouldn’t be a need for selfies and Instagram and Facebook but I know that’s one of the areas I would like to work on so my happiness doesn’t hinge on other people.  I had to remind myself all day that me knowing that my hard work at the gym and eating right was paying off and that was enough.   I need approval from no one else.  Period.

Maybe I didn’t get enough attention from my dad as a child so I crave that male attention (no fault of my dad’s…he was awesome and did the best he knew to do at the time…love you dad).  Maybe I was just PMS-ing.  Maybe I’m just lonely from coming off of a week of being touched and loved on on vacation.  It helps to know these things about myself and try to pinpoint why so I can start to correct.  I can be better every day and that’s always my goal:  be better than I was yesterday.  Eat better; think better; love better.   Former Secretary of State John Foster Dulles said, “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.”  I don’t want to go back.  I’m looking forward to a brighter and better future with less tears and cellulite and more smiles.  I was happy before, don’t get me wrong, but I wasn’t fulfilled.  I am realizing that can only come from within.  It doesn’t come from dessert or margaritas or compliments from anyone else (male or female).

“I have found what I have been looking for all my life has been with me all along.”

What can you do today better than you did yesterday? How are you leaving the world a better place?

It’s the Small Things

Each month I’ll do a recap of the little things I’m learning along the way or doing to make positive changes in my life.

I tried a new class this week which if you’ve been reading you know is one of my favorite things – The Bar Method.  I don’t think it’s for me long term because a) it’s out of my budget and 2) I like to get really sweaty and I barely broke a sweat.  Now it was still hard as crap – don’t get me wrong – but there was absolutely no cardio involved and when I woke up I could walk.  For as hard as I worked I feel like I should have been sore.  Tonight I’m a little more sore which makes back-to-back days of soreness and that means progress so I’m still happy.

A friend and I ran in a race Sunday – www.greatcityrace.com.  It’s kind of like amazing race without going to cool places like Egypt.  Each team wore costumes (i.e. dressed alike) and we were given a sheet of 12 tasks to complete.  They were in the form of clues though so it’s not like it said – “Go to the Fox Theater.” We could use only our legs or public transportation to get from place to place.  So fun!  And what made it the most fun was after we completed all of our tasks we were booking it up the stairs to turn in our sheet and show our photo proof and as we turned the corner the room was almost empty.  Two and a half hours ago that room was packed with teams.  Where was everyone you ask? WE FINISHED 4th!!!!  The handful of people that were in the room were the ones checking the sheets and the three, count ’em three, teams that finished ahead of us. WHAT?!?!  Yes sir.  A moderately fit 30 year old and a guy that hardly ever works out.  We were floored and so happy! Never again will we under estimate ourselves.

I’m trying to keep up with Deepak and Oprah’s mediation challenge. and I hope you’ll join along with me even if it’s taking 15 minutes of quiet time to clear your head.  I never regret it and boy do I need it…daily.

My midnight snacking mystery is solved.  I have to make sure two things happen in order to stop the snacking: 1) sleep in less clothes so I don’t wake up because I’m too hot (shorts and tanks only even in the winter) and B) eat enough for dinner.  Easy.  I’ve found that the solutions to your problems are usually right in front of you if you would just open your eyes (and close your mouth).

I wish I could see every sunrise and sunset but I realized today that I shouldn’t be disappointed about missing one because there will be another one tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the day after that… Tomorrow is another chance.

Self-Confidence

Someone once said to me, “Your jokes aren’t funny.”

Ouch.

I’m funny…dammit! Or at least I am when I’m being me.  When I’m walking with my head high and comfortable in my skin, I’m pretty funny.  I think about the times when I can make people laugh hard and it’s when I’m just being me.  At that moment I wasn’t…I was uncomfortable and put on the spot and I felt like I was being judged.  One could say the sex is better when you are comfortable in your own skin and don’t feel any judgement as well.  Or so I’ve heard.

I’m in a much better place when I have confidence in myself and my decisions.  I don’t go off the deep end when my mom comments on something I’ve said or done or when my son misbehaves and makes me question my parenting.  I’m in a great place where I am making the best decisions I’m capable of (most of the time – HEY I’m human).  And when I’m in a much better place, I’m funnier.  Just ask my dad.  He laughs at all my jokes.

I’m a little high maintenance.  I’m kind of all over the place sometimes.  I will give you the shirt off my back.  I’m a natural born mother and I will mother you. I’m chipper in the morning.  I’m sickeningly positive. Deal with it or move on.  Worse things have happened to you I’m sure.  (I’m not angry btw and that is not said with tone.)

Here are my favorite three songs when I’m feeling less confidence than I should:

Sara Bareilles – Brave

Katy Perry – Roar

Kacey Musgraves – Follow Your Arrow

Make lots of noise and follow your arrow wherever it points.