Filling the Void

Moderation is key.  We all know that.  Knowing and doing are two different things though.  It’s hard to actually put into practice for some of us.  I love love love cookies. If I have too many, I’m going to gain all this weight back.  I love love love spin class.  If I do too many, I’ll start to burn up some of this muscle mass that I’ve been trying to build so I can naturally increase my metabolism.  One cookie is enough (not the whole bag and not one a day).  One spin class a week is enough (mix it in with kick boxing and weight training for example).  Moderation and balance.

Same goes with my alcohol consumption.  Recently I read this book, All Fall Down, and it scared the crap out of me.  We have discussed before that drinking is my vice.  I’m a party girl and sometimes, once I start, it’s hard to stop me.  I like to be in the middle of the fun and I rarely say no.  I go to it to relieve the stresses of the day or shut off my brain when I’m over thinking – a glass or two of wine a night before bed.  The main character in this book really hit home with me even though her vice is pills.  The real kicker was how she describes trying to sleep in rehab.  When she talks about trying to sleep while her body is detoxing, it reminds me of trying to sleep from time to time. I never knew why I would wake up several times in the night, sometimes sweating profusely.  I tried several things to try to pinpoint the cause but couldn’t (I’ve even blogged about it).  Sure enough, after a week of having wine every night, I would have so much trouble sleeping the first night that I didn’t have my one-two glasses.  I know it seems so outlandish that it can happen after only a glass or two and I’m still experimenting but I’m pretty sure that’s the cause of my sleepless nights.  #imisssleep

I’m learning to say no.  I’m learning to just have one.  I’m learning to listen to my body.

I’ll try to tackle coffee next…ugh…wish me luck.


The Ugly Duckling

I love this passage out of the latest O Magazine:


I made a promise to a friend a while back that I wouldn’t ever settle, but am I?

My son and I went to Atlanta’s Center for Puppetry Arts this weekend and saw a show about the other ugly duckling. I cried a little at the end (no one was shocked) because the message reminded me of something that I keep forgetting. Your beauty is within. My beauty is within. I devalue myself more than I should because I don’t have the perfect body but what really matters is my heart. How much I love. How big I love. How pure I love.

I plan to keep my promise not to settle because no matter what size I wear, I am worth it because my heart will be in the right place.

P.S. I sent this before and after shot to my boyfriend and, while all I see is a fat face, his response is perfect and says it all – “Still the same amazingly sweet girl.” Now that will be my response when I see an old picture of me instead of my usual disgust.