I was watching an episode of House of Cards and the lead character, Kevin Spacey, said something to the effect of “Always choose power over money.” I put that one in my hip pocket so I could stew on it as I was in the middle of making a career move and really struggling with what to do about this job offer. I have zero power at my current job so I took the job offer, but that’t not where it ended…my struggle with power that is.
This weekend I went camping. Yes…camping. Bugs and breezeless 80 degree weather. It’s a lot like work except it’s relaxing work. You’re building your temporary living quarters and nowadays with quite suitable gear if you know the right people. It’s easy. Unroll this, zip this here, put this there – mindless work and when it’s all said and done, you can go exploring nature. We rode bikes and made a cocktail that we sipped on while we walked through a very cool nature trail. We saw a raccoon, old men fishing, birds of all varieties and plant life of every kind you can imagine and some you can’t.
It ended up being a very relaxing weekend which was much needed after a very intense conference and resigning from my job last week. One thing it wasn’t though was sexy. It was very different for me. To spend an entire weekend not feeling sexy and wanted after a year or so of being single and feeling hot after all this weight loss. No makeup, no showering, no shaving…different. (Now it was only one night so I’m being slightly dramatic but still.) So on the drive home, I started crying (I cry a lot and I’m totally blaming my birth control) but I couldn’t figure out why and then it hit me – I derive my power from my sexuality. I was feeling powerless. I was feeling ugly and stinky and powerless. All I wanted to do was go home and shower and shave and put on a dress! Maybe that has driven me most of my life and that’s why I was lost with the extra weight. Maybe that’s why most overweight woman feel the same way. They feel powerless.
Power is powerful…more so than even money. The key is to find your power elsewhere – maybe the gym or church or a gaggle of gals to which you can provide support/counsel. And to not let your need for power drive you. Focus on your need to help people or serve our purpose.
Power is also dangerous. What makes you feel powerful? Is that harmful to you?
P.S. I’ve taken up biking since my son got a mountain bike for his 8th birthday. I burned 358 calories today on a 40 min ride through a beautiful neighborhood in Atlanta. I love trying something new!