I Won’t Settle

Sugarland said it best.  Soundtrack for this blog: http://youtu.be/BEJh-aMMpJ0

“Believe in yourself and there will come a day when others have no choice but to believe in you.” -Cynthia Kersey

Not settling requires patience and that is something I have been working on for the past year.  I want what I want and I want it now.  Is it generational? Maybe. Do I deserve to have what I want? Good golly I hope so because this whole waiting thing is for the birds. Not settling also requires persistence, goals and believing in yourself.

I have learned over the years that rushing things or pushing people to be where they aren’t ready to be is not what the universe intended.  So I’ll wait.  I’ll wait for my body to look like I want it too.  I’ll wait for the right partner in my life.  I’ll wait for my son to finally get that if he’ll just use his manners, he will get what he asks for.  I’ll wait for my stomach to be full after eating the appropriate serving size.

I’ll wait.

Until then I’ll continue to workout and remind him to use his manners and meditate and learn from those around me and listen to my intuition. And I’ll take smaller bites and servings and savor each taste and take a break to ensure that I’m full before I make the mistake and gorge myself.  A lesson that will most certainly come in handy tomorrow. 🙂

I’m thankful for the freedom to have this blog to use as therapy and as an accountability partner.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

P.S. I will be in the gym in preparation for the casserole-a-thon tomorrow and I hope to see you there!

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It’s the Small Things

Each month I’ll do a recap of the little things I’m learning along the way or doing to make positive changes in my life.

I tried a new class this week which if you’ve been reading you know is one of my favorite things – The Bar Method.  I don’t think it’s for me long term because a) it’s out of my budget and 2) I like to get really sweaty and I barely broke a sweat.  Now it was still hard as crap – don’t get me wrong – but there was absolutely no cardio involved and when I woke up I could walk.  For as hard as I worked I feel like I should have been sore.  Tonight I’m a little more sore which makes back-to-back days of soreness and that means progress so I’m still happy.

A friend and I ran in a race Sunday – www.greatcityrace.com.  It’s kind of like amazing race without going to cool places like Egypt.  Each team wore costumes (i.e. dressed alike) and we were given a sheet of 12 tasks to complete.  They were in the form of clues though so it’s not like it said – “Go to the Fox Theater.” We could use only our legs or public transportation to get from place to place.  So fun!  And what made it the most fun was after we completed all of our tasks we were booking it up the stairs to turn in our sheet and show our photo proof and as we turned the corner the room was almost empty.  Two and a half hours ago that room was packed with teams.  Where was everyone you ask? WE FINISHED 4th!!!!  The handful of people that were in the room were the ones checking the sheets and the three, count ’em three, teams that finished ahead of us. WHAT?!?!  Yes sir.  A moderately fit 30 year old and a guy that hardly ever works out.  We were floored and so happy! Never again will we under estimate ourselves.

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I’m trying to keep up with Deepak and Oprah’s mediation challenge. and I hope you’ll join along with me even if it’s taking 15 minutes of quiet time to clear your head.  I never regret it and boy do I need it…daily.

My midnight snacking mystery is solved.  I have to make sure two things happen in order to stop the snacking: 1) sleep in less clothes so I don’t wake up because I’m too hot (shorts and tanks only even in the winter) and B) eat enough for dinner.  Easy.  I’ve found that the solutions to your problems are usually right in front of you if you would just open your eyes (and close your mouth).

I wish I could see every sunrise and sunset but I realized today that I shouldn’t be disappointed about missing one because there will be another one tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the day after that… Tomorrow is another chance.

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Self-Confidence

Someone once said to me, “Your jokes aren’t funny.”

Ouch.

I’m funny…dammit! Or at least I am when I’m being me.  When I’m walking with my head high and comfortable in my skin, I’m pretty funny.  I think about the times when I can make people laugh hard and it’s when I’m just being me.  At that moment I wasn’t…I was uncomfortable and put on the spot and I felt like I was being judged.  One could say the sex is better when you are comfortable in your own skin and don’t feel any judgement as well.  Or so I’ve heard.

I’m in a much better place when I have confidence in myself and my decisions.  I don’t go off the deep end when my mom comments on something I’ve said or done or when my son misbehaves and makes me question my parenting.  I’m in a great place where I am making the best decisions I’m capable of (most of the time – HEY I’m human).  And when I’m in a much better place, I’m funnier.  Just ask my dad.  He laughs at all my jokes.

I’m a little high maintenance.  I’m kind of all over the place sometimes.  I will give you the shirt off my back.  I’m a natural born mother and I will mother you. I’m chipper in the morning.  I’m sickeningly positive. Deal with it or move on.  Worse things have happened to you I’m sure.  (I’m not angry btw and that is not said with tone.)

Here are my favorite three songs when I’m feeling less confidence than I should:

Sara Bareilles – Brave

Katy Perry – Roar

Kacey Musgraves – Follow Your Arrow

Make lots of noise and follow your arrow wherever it points.

Maybe I Need a Boss After All

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If I had a dollar for every time I said, “You’re not the boss of me” I’d have … well … a lot more dollars than a have now. A common theme this week has been that maybe I do need a boss.  Whoops…

For most of my life I have been my own boss besides a curfew in high school.  No one made sure I did my homeowrk or paid my bills or went to the doctor or reminded me to apply for college (you get the picture).  As the oldest of three and a child of divorced parents, I just did it.  I followed my own compass of what I thought I should be doing and that worked for me for a long time.  And by “worked”, I mean no one got hurt.  Well except maybe me in the long run.

Over the past month or so (maybe year) I see where now I need a boss in some (most) areas. (But let’s not tell anyone, okay?)  That’s hard to admit for me and maybe I’m not alone.  My boss needs to boss me at work so I have direction.  He knows more than I do and he’s been doing this much longer.  My fitness instructor definitely needs to boss me or I’ll be in the back skipping reps or using light weights.  Why else would personal trainers make so much money. (I have more examples but you get the point.) Now, obviously, ideally I’ll be able to do all these things without their “assistance”, but I’m human and I need help and I’m at a place where I’m good with asking for it. And honestly I think people that truly care about you are happy to help.

Andy Stanley spoke about it at church – www.rightintheeye.org.  It was an amazing message including a story in the bible about a people that kept trying to just do whatever the heck they wanted to do and messing it up…badly.  The point being, it’s probably best if you aren’t the boss since you’re human. Instead of saying “I’m going to do whatever I want to as long as I’m not hurting someone” try saying “I’m going to do whatever I want to as long as it’s helping someone.”

I read an article that really touched me last week – “Smashed” by Joy Manning in Shape Magazine*.  It says that “Nearly 14 million American women are binge drinkers…” It sounds like I’m not the only one that needs assistance and that was a relief and why I write about it here.  Maybe others feel the same way but feel alone.  You aren’t.

(I’d love to link to the aforementioned article but I can’t find it anywhere online.  You’ll have to purchase the magazine and I recommend you do if this article speaks to you or if you’ve ever thought you might be a binge drinker.)

What in your life could you ask for help with today?

~

Updates:

1.  30 days of physical activity was overshooting a bit.  I have missed a few days here and there but everyday I wake up and try to get back on track and I’m working out more than I was in the past. Hey… you have to have goals.  Doesn’t mean you are going to reach all of them.

2.  Lunch has been renewed (cue the angels singing):

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Canned soup is out.  Fresh salad is in! I’ve started cooking a few extra breasts of chicken that I marinade in whatever salad dressing I’m using that month and bam! Add a spring mix, diced tomato and some shredded Mozzarella.  Set for the week.  Enjoy!

Listen to Your Heart

In case you’d like to listen in the background while you read this and cheese it up, here it is:  http://youtu.be/Z30EeVQLYwA

I’d like to circle back to something I’ve written about before for two reasons: 1)  I needed an excuse to start my new this-song-goes-with-this-blog theme; b) I’ve been hit with this subject three times today so it must be a sign.

I was drawn into this blog from another blog I read (we call this the blog hole) and of course it made all sorts of sense to me.  My transformation had to be internal first.  All this time I was trying to fix myself from the outside in and what I ready should have been doing was working on that’s inside and listening to my body.  Your intuition is not so much powerful as it is right.  I never took time to listen to my body before I moved or ate, and I hate to admit that sometimes I heard it and ignored it.  It went something like this:

Him:  What do you want to drink?

Me: Nothing really sounds all that good to me.

Intuition: MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T BE DRINKING….

Me: I guess I’ll have a margarita.

DUH!! Hello!! McFly!

The second time was at lunch.  I had been starving most of the day so when 11:30a hit, I was ready to eat! I’m trying not to eat out as much so I settled on the fact that I was going to crack open a can of Progresso soup <insert medium mood about my lunch>. I used to love food so this is very different for me.  I never know what I want to eat these days. So anyways, as I’m eating the soup I’m actually a little but nauseated by it but I finish it because it’s what I had and I was so hungry.  I vowed never to do that again.  What’s the point if it’s not even worth the calories? I ended up having two mini chocolate bars for dessert, four almonds and a snack pack of chips ahoys and then I was fully satisfied.  Salty soup and a bunch of junk for lunch…nice.  Why I have no energy to finish my day and I almost bit off my bosses head, I have no idea. After work, I sat in my car and ate a $5 container of fresh pineapple from Publix and I couldn’t have been more satisfied.

The third was at a birthday dinner with a dear friend tonight.  We were chatting about gym memberships and how she doesn’t have one anymore to save money but that she started doing Jillian’s 30 Day Shred (we are on first name basis) and has lost 6 lbs.  I was of course blown away because I feel like that’s a lot for a video workout in 2.5 weeks.  She said she had been running for months and hadn’t seen much movement on the scale but this is really working. I said, “but you hate running.” And she agreed and then I said it – “you aren’t going to stick to something and lose weight if you hate it.” I’m pretty sure she rolled her eyes at this point because she knew it would be going in the blog.

We all know it.  If you hate eating salads, but you force yourself to for a few months, you are just going to put back on all that weight (been there..done that…got the tshirt…in XL) when you start eating what you want again.  Same goes for your workout routine.  Find something that you like and that your body wants/needs.

What do you need to stop doing because you hate it?  What exercise or healthy food gets you excited?