Smug vs. Helpful

I walked past our receptionist’s desk yesterday and saw an orange and an apple.  I know she’s been going to the gym and watching what she eats so I told her I was proud of her for her healthy snacks.  She responded with a grumble.  I was puzzled.  She said she just hated eating healthy…that it wasnt what she really wanted.  I asked her to remind me of her age and she said she’s 27.  I said “I thought like that when I was 27 too” and went on my way.

That night I thought maybe I came off as smug or condescending and decided I would try to make it right today.  So this morning I walked in and went directly to her desk with head hung and apologized.  She had absolutely no idea what I was talking about and said I did not offend her. I continued anyways and explained that I should have been less smug and more helpful.  I told her that I used to feel the same way.  The key for me was deciding it was a lifestyle change and not a diet.  When I did that, I no longer chose foods because they were on some approved list. I chose foods that I like and that are good for my body. Garbage in, garbage out, right? How could I feel good when I wasn’t giving my body the proper fuel.  The reason I felt sluggish and grumpy and had insane heartburn was because my body was mad at me.

She listened.  I gave some examples to try to be helpful instead of smug, but I remember what it was like at the beginning of my journey….several times.  I would see no movement on the scales eventhough I felt I was doing everything right. Frustrated. Defeated.  Accepting of the fact that I would always look this way and thank GOD I had someone that loved me anyways.  Well I was wrong (mark it down because it might not happen again) and I’m glad I was.  Something clicked.  I believed in myself.  I started to put myself first.  I pushed harder than I thought I could go and I started to feel better when I ate better and I took note of that. Each time I would slip into my old ways I wouldn’t feel as good as when I was doing what I knew I should and I took note of that.

Maybe one day she’ll look back and remember what I said and apply it.  Maybe she’ll think “that smug bitch” (because that’s what I would have said in the past). I hope the former but I can only control me and my reaction and I was only trying to help because I care.

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